The Academy Award winner, 48, made a surprise appearance on Chelsea Handler's E! talk show, Chelsea Lately, where she appeared in the buff during the program's opening comedy sketch. As a nude Handler, 37, lathered up in the staff showers, a naked Bullock approached her to talk shop.
"Hi, Sandra," a surprised Handler said during the scripted bit.
"For friends and industry insiders it's Sandy," Bullock told Handler. "You might just want to call me Sandra."
"Well, you just told me to call you Sandy, so. . ." a befuddled Handler said.
"Don't worry about what I just said, okay? What you need to worry about is pulling your sh-t together with this fancy new stage that you have which I think is a sham," Bullock said before listing a list of grievances. "First of all, stop calling yourself the white Oprah."
Replied Handler, "I never called myself the white Oprah. I was misquoted in Serbian Vogue."
"You have a responsibility to be a respectable talk show host. This comes directly from Oprah's mouth, to my ear, to my mouth, out of my mouth, into your ear, down your body, out your vagina, up my vagina, out my ass. The theme of this message is that you are a huge disappointment," a straight-faced Bullock said. "You have a responsibility to be a role model -- a role model to young girls and gay and questioning youth. And you need to lay off the booze. Lay off the booze. Lay off the booze!"
Handler insisted she's "not drinking nearly as much" as in the past, but Bullock wasn't hearing it. "Did I say you could talk? No. Because when you interrupt me, it's like interrupting Oprah," the Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close star said. "Stop sleeping with your guests! Stop it! It's beneath you. That is why I have not done your show. I do not want to sleep with you."