Snooki and Jionni LaValle
Baggage: She's Snooki. There's also the whole garish guido/guidette thing going on.
Baby carriage: Due at the end of August.
Marriage: Engaged in March but no date yet. Still, Snooki wants her "dream wedding. ... I'm not even ready for it yet. I just want my baby first."
Footnotes: "Honestly, I really didn't know that I could make a baby, so the fact that I can reproduce is very scary." Not only for you, honey.
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