Celebrities Who Stare at Goats
By Melissa Hunter
"The Men Who Stare At Goats" arrives in theaters this weekend, and while there's probably more to the plot than the title may imply, we're not interested in "story lines" or "character development." Why DO these men stare at goats? Is this becoming a celebrity trend? Are all these celebs hopping on the hot new goat-staring bandwagon? Let's investigoat!
RELATED: Test your memory skills. Play "The Men Who Stare At Goats" matchup game
Bono stares at goats so he can find a way to stop goat suffering throughout the world and create goat peace.
Robert Pattinson stares at goats in order to spark goat romance rumors so he can deflect attention from his dalliance with KStew.
Kevin Federline stares at goats in order to determine how they maintain such a svelte physique in spite of their incessant eating habits.
Spencer Pratt stares at goats because he's sick and tired of those darned billy goats trying to cross over his bridge!
Mark Wahlberg stares at goats because he wants them to say hello to their mothers for him.
(Had to do it)
Mickey Rourke stares at goats because the miniature goats that pop up on his shoulder always advise him on moral decision-making.
Brad Pitt stares at goats because he's jealous of their ability to rock goatees without the danger of looking old and creepy.
Jeremy Piven stares at goats because he's wondering whether goat milk has the same man-boob-inducing effect as soy milk.
Jack Nicholson stares at goats because he can do whatever the hell he wants and people think it's cool.
Ozzy Osbourne stares at goats so he can determine how to get one up to his hotel suite to roast on a spit, like the old days.
Doug Reinhardt stares at goats postulating whether a life as a goat's arm candy might just be better than his current situation. The grass is always greener, Doug. (Zing!)
Sacha Baron Cohen stares at goats as he's simply exhausted extreme human characters and needs to expand his horizon to the animal kingdom.
Dave Navarro stares at goats because, come on, the dude looks like a goat.
And then there's the most beautiful goat in Saudi Arabia, and really, we all stare at him.
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