'Cruel Lies' and a 'Collapse': Angelina Put Through the Tabloid Wringer
After an extended stay in France, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are back in Los Angeles with their brood of six. The most noteworthy move the mega-famous flames have made lately? Trick-or-treating with the tykes. But despite their lowered profile, they once again find themselves topping the tabloids. Angelina's face appears front-and-center on five covers this week, with headlines ranging from the "spiteful private war" she's supposedly still waging with Jennifer Aniston to the "cruel lies" she's spread about the former Mrs. Pitt (just a reminder: It's been nearly five years, people!) to her alleged "collapse." A grain of salt doesn't quite cover what's called for here. Think bigger, like maybe a mountain of salty goodness. To save you the trouble of furiously flipping through the pages while waiting in line at the grocery store, we've rounded up the highlights (read: lowlights). So, grab a pair of rubber boots, set your BS detector on high and join us as we wade into the muck ...
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First up is the latest in a long line of speculative "Where in the world will the Jolie-Pitts adopt from next?" pieces. OK! claims Angelina is gearing up to adopt a little girl from Syria after apparently meeting her last month while visiting the country as part of her UN Goodwill Ambassador duties. But there may be a hitch in her plan. See, Pitt is "not quite ready" for baby No. 7 and a "rift" has formed over the issue, one that could result in an "almighty showdown." "He has made it clear that six children are more than he can handle," alleges a source. "The idea of one more seemed ludicrous, but Angie is determined to complete her rainbow family." Something else that seems ludicrous? The Oscar-winning do-gooder being able to bring home a child from Syria, where "adoption does not exist." And even if she did find a way through the miles of red tape, the odds remain against her. According to the U.S. Department of State's latest statistics, only one tot has been adopted from the country in recent years, and that was back in 2007. Let's press on, shall we ...
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Us Weekly delves into Ian Halperin's "shocking," soon-to-be-released (but blandly titled) tell-all, "Brangelina: The Untold Story of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie." Among the tome's allegations: Angie planted "nasty rumors" about ostensible rival Aniston and has a temper "like a cobra" (or so says a limo driver). Brad and Angelina have also allegedly split "so many times it would make your head spin." Predicts Halperin, "It wouldn't surprise me in the least if the two were broken up by Christmas 2010." Are mundane issues part of their purported problems? "They fight all the time about the kids -- where to put toys, saying the wrong thing to a nanny, not cleaning up," a snitch maintains to the mag. "Like cats and dogs." But Us softens things a bit by pointing out that the twosome "looked so in love" during the family's recent downtime in France. It even paints a picture of domestic bliss by relaying how Jolie was doing dishes in the kitchen while watching the kids play outside. (Yes, we're expected to believe she does dishes and doesn't have an army of minions who steam-clean and blow-dry every spoon and sippy cup.) Meanwhile, Angelina and Jen are squaring off on yet another cover ...
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"Mind Games!" screams Star. "2 a.m. calls! Catty insults! Dirty tricks!" In a story that brings the guffaws, Jolie and Aniston "can't let their bitter rivalry go," declares the tab. Jen is accused of tipsily calling Brad at the French chateau in the middle of the night, just to wake Angelina from her beauty sleep, while Jolie is charged with "stealing" dresses she knows Aniston wants to wear on the red carpet and nabbing movies she wants to star in. "Jen and Angie despise each other and take great pleasure in seeing each other squirm," asserts a source. And where's Brad in all this? Well, he's purportedly confiding in his ex-wife about the moody woman he left her for (because, yeah, that's who'll lend a sympathetic ear). He's also labeled a "terrible instigator" who "eggs" on the feud between his past and present squeezes. Are we out of line in suggesting that women everywhere should be offended by how the fairer sex is portrayed here? No? OK, continuing onward, but not upward ...
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Life & Style has its glossy knickers in a twist because it believes Jolie is a "total fake" with "no sense of right and wrong" who "manipulates and controls" all. An example of her so-called phoniness: She hopped on board the spy flick "The Tourist" even though she talked about taking a big-screen breather to get in quantity time with her clan. "Angelina has mastered the ability to play the greatest role of her life -- that of a doting mother and partner who'd do anything for humanity," a "Hollywood insider" intones to the tab. "But the truth is more complex." Or not so much. A quick look at Jolie's shooting schedule in recent years reveals that she's taken plenty of time off. Her upcoming thriller "Salt," which she filmed earlier this year, is her first starring role since shooting "The Changeling" back in late 2007. Besides, L&S should be doing a happy dance that she's heading back to work. With Johnny Depp in talks to co-star, future cover stories will write themselves ("Brad Reaches Out to Jen as Angie Gets Close to Johnny!"). As for doing her part for humanity, she kind of has that covered, too. And finally, in an equally dubious change of pace, Jolie's figure is back under the microscope ...
"Angelina collapses!" trumpets the National Enquirer (yet again), which features a seriously unflattering shot of her on the cover striking what appears to be a zombie-meets-praying mantis pose. "She's down to 104 pounds and can't stop losing weight." A source maintains that the actress's alleged swooning spell "gave Brad the scare of his life. He's terrified that she's got a serious problem, and he wants her to get help NOW! She's weak, frail and barely able to keep up with the demands of their kids." Granted, Jolie prefers to rock a super-slimline look, even though we think she looks worlds better with a few extra pounds, but she appeared to be keeping up with the kids just fine on Halloween, effortlessly carrying 4-year-old Zahara in one arm while shepherding Shiloh, 3, Pax, 5, and Maddox, 8, on their candy-collecting mission around a Los Angeles neighborhood.
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