"I just went for some microdermabrasion the other day. It was my six months present to myself. I was like, 'These barnacles are still developing, so before I slough them off, I'd better let them really just live it out on my face, and then I'll get in there.' It was great. But, yeah, I got hyper-pigmentation. I got a wonderful goatee. I don't like goatees on men, let alone on women, let alone on myself. And it was red! It was just so awful. And these awful cheek clouds."