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Gwyneth gets mean-girled with stinky meat over cookbook kerfuffle

Wonderwall, Tuesday, August 13, 2013, 11:48am (PDT)
  • A weekend book event in the Hamptons turned a mite hostile due to the presence of Gwyneth Paltrow. Dozens of writers were on hand for the East Hampton Library's Authors Night fundraiser, but the one everyone wanted to see was the golden-haired Oscar winner, who was signing copies of her best-selling and well-received cookbook, "It's All Good." Such popularity didn't sit well with author Christina Oxenberg, who, due to the alphabetical seating setup, had what she called "the questionable good fortune" to be placed next to Gwyneth. A long line began to form in front of Oxenberg's assigned space before the GOOP maven arrived.

    "These folks were hushed and reverential and had a particularly earnest and focused demeanor and casting furtive eyes around, clearly single-minded and clearly without any interest in yours truly. Unless you count the increasingly urgent question they posed, 'Where is Gwyneth?'" Oxenberg wrote on her blog (via the New York Post). The writer, who was promoting her short-story collection, jokingly began telling those lined up that she, in fact, was Paltrow: "It's just that I've put on a little weight and gone brunette for a role." She says this response was "met with nary a titter, instead only dark unsmiling glares."

    Things didn't improve when the actress descended on the meet-and-greet with her Coldplay-fronting husband, Chris Martin, and their kids, Apple and Moses.

    "The divinity in question arrived with hubby, children and a couple of massive bodyguards," grumped Oxenberg, who's the sister of former "Dynasty" actress Catherine and daughter of Princess Elizabeth of Yugoslavia. "The worshipers blocked my view of the whole world, abusing my tiny territory upon which to abandon their trash or lean their sorry asses. So I abandoned my post and took that opportunity to roam the great tent and greet my fellow authors. Which is when I saw the food table, and suddenly I knew what needed doing. I made a plate of miniature sloppy hamburgers, stinky steak sandwiches, and the like and hauled it back to my piece of table."

    But when Oxenberg, who seems to have washed down those wholly unappetizing "stinky steak sandwiches" with a bunch of particularly sour grapes, attempted to return to her book-signing spot, she was thwarted by Gwyn's apparently overzealous minders, who "blocked my re-entry despite my assurance I was a just an author and pointing at my name tag. 'No!' they growled, body-blocking me. So I was forced to crawl under the table. And there I sat with my meat products, wafting the excellent smells toward my sleek vegan neighbor. She ignored the siren smells of protein. We never did say hello, although I did try to sell my book to her sleek vegan children. No bites."

  • Oxenberg's revenge might not have been as sweet as she thought. Paltrow no longer adheres to the strict vegan diet of her youth, although she still avoids red meat and gluten. "It's All Good" also features recipes of the non-vegan variety.

    Piling on to the Gwyneth negativity was "Bright Lights, Big City" author Jay McInerney, who was also one of the big names in attendance. "Authors Night at East Hampton Library hijacked by movie stars with ghost-written cookbooks," he tweeted (Paltrow has denied using ghostwriters; she co-wrote "It's All Good" with Julia Turshen).

    ALSO ON WONDERWALL:

    Did Gwyneth really say that? Take the quiz!

    7 outrageous Gwyneth quotes

    Gwyneth: I have the butt of a 22-year-old stripper

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