Gossip Quickies for May 16

Death by Dictator: Clooney's Ex Acts Up at Cannes

Elisabetta Canalis once strolled the red carpet with George Clooney. Then they broke up, and she climbed down several rungs of the Hollywood food chain and began dating onetime scrotum stapler Steve-O. Then they broke up, and now she's reduced to sight gags with a fake tyrant.

The Italian brunette turned up on a luxury yacht at the Cannes Film Festival on Wednesday with Sacha Baron Cohen, who was promoting "The Dictator" in character as Adm. Gen. Aladeen.

As photographers snapped away, the hirsute autocrat rubbed lotion all over Canalis' bikini-clad body before flashing her his man bits, which prompted her to pretend laugh and get pretend tossed over the side of the yacht in a body bag.

Yes, disposable hotties are the height of humor.

"I asked George Clooney whether I could borrow his ex girlfriend, and things happen," Cohen told "Entertainment Tonight." "It's unclear, but there are rumors that [the Dictator] bought her from George Clooney for an undisclosed sum involving a certain amount of Euros and some Rolexes and some diamonds obtained from some mines in Africa, and I think he rented her for a few hours."

Something tells us Elisabetta might miss the days when she made herself at home at Clooney's Lake Como villa, especially now that replacement Stacy Keibler has settled in so nicely at the Oscar winner's Los Angeles pad, as evidenced by her casual use of "our" when talking about Barack Obama's recent moneymaking pop-over.

"To have the president at our house was such an unbelievable honor," she gushed to People. "I would say that there is such an energy and a presence, and I felt almost speechless."

So, what's Clooney up to while Canalis engages in awkward comedic performance art? Read on for adorableness ...