Penelope Cruz quits smoking, ergo she's pregnant

Wonderwall, Friday, July 24, 2009, 12:44pm (PDT)

By Melissa Hunter

Life & Style reports that Penelope Cruz has gotten rid of the sin sticks once and for all. Between that, a minor weight gain, and her getting sick this one time, there no other conclusion besides: SHE'S PREGNANT, GUYS!

In regards to quitting, a good ol' L&S insider says, "She gave up smoking about five months ago, cold turkey. She just decided one day she wasn't going to smoke, and just like that, she stopped." Whether she's pregnant or not, that's awesome that she quit. But if anti-smoking ads have taught me anything, she'll only get prettier. Which is just unfair, really.

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Life & Style continues the preggers Penelope speculation with an eyewitness of Penelope (i.e. someone who once saw her at Pinkberry) who says, "She's definitely lookng heavier. Her boobs are bigger, and her stomach is hanging over her jeans. It could be pregnancy weight."

Eesh. Way harsh, eyewitness. If she isn't pregnant already, she better get knocked up quick because according to the media, the only thing worse than an unwanted child out of wedlock is an actress getting fat.

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The suspicions are mounting, however, when you combine those little tidbits with her bowing out of hosting an event at Cannes because she fell ill, with rumblings that it was morning sickness.

Okay, let's just get to the point here. Penelope and Javier: We really would like you to have children. Please, please have babies. The mixing of your genes would raise the average attractiveness level of the population of the Earth by at least 1%. We already have three biological Jolie-Pitts running around and we're really looking for a Cruz-Bardem baby or two to set them up on superbaby play dates with.

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