A Lace in the Sun: Madonna is determined to beat the aging process by any means necessary. Her walnut-crushing biceps and diamond-hard body? Essential for keeping Father Time in a headlock. Her 22-year-old model-squeeze, Jesus Luz (left)? Just the thing to put a rosy glow of contentment on her line-free face. And it stands to reason that the Big M's clothes serve a similar, age-defying purpose, although things obviously went very wrong during a getaway to Portofino, Italy, to celebrate, ahem, mark her 51st birthday. Madonna's efforts to turn back the clock have apparently left her inner stylist discombobulated, unsure whether to dress for how old she looks or how old she is. The pop icon's elbow-length sweater does its age-appropriate best to offset her saucy Fruit of the Looms and scalloped black lace frock that's more transparent than a jellyfish bobbing next to a freshly Windexed window. And while her wide-brimmed hat may be perfect for tea with the Queen, her lace-up stilettos appear ready to punish anyone who displeases her (royalty or no). There was a time when Madonna could set off a fashion craze just by wearing a bunch of cheap rubber bracelets, but the chances of her prim yet provocative look sparking a trend are about as likely as Jesus becoming her next husband ... or a carpenter.