Time to Cut the Cord: Jennifer Lopez sews up the world's supply of corduroy in an inadvertently ruched jumpsuit as she and hubby Marc Anthony hit the orange carpet before a Miami Dolphins game (he's part-owner of the team, which doesn't make the fact that they're posing at a football game any less silly). The joined-at-the-hip honeys are huddled up tight, as usual, but something seems ... off about their stance. What could it be? We consulted our resident body language expert, Dr. Conjecture J. Specious, for an opinion. "Tension is building in the relationship," he theorizes. "Note how Jennifer dominates their personal space, with her knee in prime family jewel-crunching position. Marc, meanwhile, is unsuccessfully attempting to assert his Alpha status by highlighting his hairy chest in an unbuttoned shirt, masculine posturing that I've definitively traced back to Tubbs from 'Miami Vice.'" According to the doc, J.Lo isn't taking her husband's display seriously, "possibly because he accessorized with one of her daintier necklaces." Instead, he explains, "She purses her lips and gives one of her patented 'sexy faces,' a clear sign that she is the one wearing the (ugly, unflattering, and 'swish'-noise-making) pants in this relationship."