Undressed For May 13

The Thigh Cost of Living: Like you've never been there. It's long past laundry day and the only clean item of clothing you have is a pair of denim cutoffs you overzealously took scissors to at summer camp. A decade ago. Oh, and you're out of razors. Before you judge Rihanna too harshly, just remember: Let she who is without stubble sin cast the first Schick. At least the beleaguered popster tries to improvise a stylish solution to her sartorial pickle by sheathing her exemplary gams in cutout leather thigh-highs, unaware that no problem has ever or will ever be solved by the addition of cutout leather thigh-highs. Too bad the designer leg wear, which can be yours for the low, low price of $920 (no, we didn't forget a decimal point after the nine), only creates more complications, because now the rest of her ensemble has to be just as funkily unconventional or she'll look silly (all right, all right -- sillier). That leads Rihanna straight into the fashion danger zone, where she not only makes a risky nod to the '80s in a Member's Only poncho and a floppy Flock of Seagulls 'do, but she also accessorizes with a necklace that's perilously attached to both earlobes (one wrong move and it's stitches galore) and slips on open-toed booties to walk around the big Petri dish that is New York.