If you believe the PR spin, Kristen Stewart should be texting only one person, for Robert Pattinson is the sparkly vampire of her dreams, despite her little oopsie with a married man. Let's take a peek at their conversation, shall we?
KS: What's up?
RP: Not much. Just trying to heal my broken heart after you stomped it into a million tiny pieces.
KS: Oh, right, it's time for my daily apology, isn't it?
RP: I'm waiting.
KS: Rob, I'm so so sorry I betrayed you by making out with my director in a Mini Cooper while wearing sweaty gym clothes.
KS: My love shines brighter than Edward's twinkly chest in direct sunlight.
RP: Good. Now, tell me: What are you wearing?
KS: The usual.
RP: Booty shorts, a ratty T-shirt you stole from my dirty laundry pile and unwashed hair?
RP: That's hot. … God, I need to get help and climb out of this shame spiral.
KS: Not until we finish the "Breaking Dawn -- Part 2" promotion, buddy. Now suck it up and meet me later. I have an armpit that needs licking.