The 10 Most Obvious Halloween Costumes
By Dana Flax
Every year, pop culture inspires a pool of totally "unique" Halloween costumes that everyone and their crazy uncle ends up wearing. In order to prevent such duplicate costume tragedies, and in loving memory of the discarded carcass of last year's Sarah Palin getup, here are the 10 costumes you're sure to encounter on Halloween '09.
10. Lady GaGa
Anyone with a pair of Ray-Bans and a leotard (or a bubble costume? perhaps) may envision him or herself a bona fide Lady GaGa this Halloween, but I challenge said person to answer just one question: Would Lady GaGa, star of her own original surreal performance art nightmare, dress up as a bootleg version of Lady GaGa? Didn't think so.
9. Balloon Boy
One might think the cosmos handed down this topical tabloid gem just for hammy Halloween costume riffs. But before you haul it to Costco for bulk Jiffy Pop, think about how much better life was with one fewer fame-grubby family in the mix. Time to zap the Heenes from our collective memory instead, folks.
8. Sexy Sun-Sparkling Vampire, as Inspired By "Twilight"
A vampire is a classic hackneyed Halloween costume, however the upcoming release of "New Moon" is no license to dress yourself up like a sexy, Robert Pattinson-style vampire. Think it'd be cute to break out the roll-on glitter and sparkle with the rest of the undead? Well, the sun won't shine on yo' behind. (Ho!)
7. Don & Betty Draper of "Mad Men"
Gentlemen, put down your fedoras. Pregnant ladies, put down your cigarettes. Arguably the best-costumed show on TV, "Mad Men" will certainly inspire a number of midcentury costumes this year. Before you break out the hot rollers a la Betty, first remember how miserable and unfulfilled she is. Doesn't really go with candy-filled fun times.
6. Swine Flu
Punny interpretations, such as a pig with wings, of the yucky epidemic sweeping our nation are not worthy of Halloween costumery. Anyone who tries this should be stricken with a case of mad cow disease, for irony's sake.
5. Octomom (or, "Low-Budge Angelina Jolie")
Octomom is another tabloid celebrity (using the term loosely) who deserves little attention from our Halloween costume consciousness. Though, she does serve as a nice safety net if your lip-plumped, baby-toting Angelina Jolie costume isn't hot enough. Nor your Megan Fox Babysitter.
4. The "Imma Let You Finish" Couples Costume
Dear hip music-loving couples, the Kanye West/Taylor Swift combo costume sadly just won't be funny come Oct. 31. See, folks, Kanyegate is currently in meme purgatory and thus has yet to reach nostalgic memory-of-a-freak-out throwback era status. Plus, wandering the streets with an open Hennessy bottle sounds, well, tasteless.
3. Max From "Where the Wild Things Are"
The Oct. 16 release date of the imagery-heavy film "Where the Wild Things Are" reeks of a studio-influenced promotional campaign for lucrative Max costume merchandising. Resist the temptation to indulge your inner little kid this Halloween, and just go see the movie (or read the book) instead.
2. Kate Gosselin
Kate Gosselin (and her wigged-out hair) has long been escorted through the media as the expected No. 1 ladies costume this Halloween. In other words, don't do it. Then again, it may warrant a fun perma-scowl staring contest against other possum-haired drinking buddies.
1. Zombie Michael Jackson
Oh, the irony of the late Michael Jackson's most ubiquitous hit, "Thriller." Zombies! Spooky things! Maniacal laughter! Dead man group dances! Trust us, this stuff is already acknowledged and imitated beyond comparison. So, come on, guys, have a little respect for Michael Jackson's corpse. Pick a less dead person to zombify!
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