Wonderwall, Thursday, August 20, 2009, 3:55pm (PDT)
By Melissa Hunter
Sure, Courtney Love might be a little kooky (read: on the verge of another breakdown), but you could never argue that she's not an animal lover. Court posted a pic of her and her, um, reptilian bedfellow on Twitter. Sooner or later, all the PR reps are gonna band together to create a celeb Twitter censor, but until that time, we can bask in all of their crazy oversharing glory.
But I digress. Not that any of us should be surprised that Courtney is posing like a turtle, with, what looks to be the raddest turtle ever... but, seriously, what is this woman doing?
Here are some totally plausible ideas for the motivation she had behind these photos:
1. Turtles are her anti-drug.
Who needs to be high on methamphetamines when you can be high on life hanging with a reptile? And really, these little creatures are so innately high-larious that no added buzz is needed. Have you ever watched turtles race each other? No artificial joy could compete with the experience of witnessing such an event.
2. She's auditioning for a PETA ad.
All the celebs are doing it. From Audrina Patridge's unholy angel to Nia Long's totally not at all Photoshopped nakie subway ad, PETA likes to shake things up (i.e., induce vomit) with its celeb ads. This ad would make anyone a turtle lover, that's for sure. A Courtney lover? Well, that's a different story.
3. She's finding alternative, cheaper hotel room antics.
Courtney's been known in both her heyday and of late to be billed thousands of dollars for trashing hotel rooms. Sure, spray painting your name on a wall and roasting a goat on a spit is super fun in the moment, but those damages bills sure do add up quick. So what better way to cut down costs but still go crazy in a hotel than by taking pics with a turtle? Besides it looks like that turtle seriously KNOWS how to party.
4. She's in love with a turtle.
Stranger things have happened. Specifically, stranger things have happened to Courtney Love. So, she decided it was time to come out of the closet and declare her undying love for this lucky reptile. Come on, don't tell me you didn't have a thing for Raphael in TMNT. Between his soft green features and his mysterious mask, he was the hero in a half-shell to beat all heroes (with or without shells).
But guys, really, this is exactly the moral apocalypse that Rick Santorum had warned us about. If I may paraphrase his prophetic words, "It does not affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a box turtle. But that does not mean it is right. Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife."
Live and let take wacky picks with box turtles. That's what I always say.