The Shortlist for Jan. 30

Jason London's Arrest Results In Most Amazing Mug Shot Ever

Police arrived outside the Martini Ranch bar in Scottsdale, Ariz.,in the wee hours of Sunday morning to respond to a call about a man bleeding in the street, according to a report obtained by TMZ. The man turned out to be Randall from "Dazed and Confused," aka Jason London, who had sustained injuries while being tossed out of the bar for allegedly punching the bouncer after the bouncer sneezed on him. It gets weirder: While attempting to treat London's injuries, the actor became increasingly agitated, yelling homophobic slurs at police and paramedics. When he was cuffed for disorderly conduct and suspected assault and put into a squad car, he reportedly told police, among other F-bomb-laden epithets, "I'm rich and I'm a motherf---ing famous actor! F---ing look me up, bitch."

It gets grosser, too: According to the report, he then yelled, "it smells like [you-know-what] in your car," and defecated in his own pants. His wife, Sofia, later took home the prize for understatement of the century when she told police, "I know he's an a--hole when he drinks." (TMZ)