The Shortlist for Sept. 6

Taylor Swift's Latest Hit Is an Ode to Jake Gyllenhaal

Color us shocked. Taylor Swift's new tune, "We're Never Ever Getting Back Together" is not, as we initially thought, simply an homage to the sound of the letters "e" and "r." No, "It's definitely about Jake [Gyllenhaal]," a snitch assures Us Weekly. The narrative in the song -- a guy who picks fights, dumps his lady then promises to take her back and be a better beau -- apparently syncs up nicely with the details of Tay-Tay's short-lived, G-rated romance with the older actor. And when she intones those catchy words, "we are never ever ever getting back together," it's reportedly meant to be a warning to Jakey that Taylor's so over him. Oh, to be young, in love and crafty with internal rhyme. (Us)