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Unsolicited Advice: Better Titles for Usher's New "Divorce" Album

Wonderwall, Tuesday, October 6, 2009, 4:42pm (PDT)

By Michelle Lanz

R&B star Usher seemed to be all gung-ho on divorcing his wife Tameka Foster Raymond when he filed papers back in June. But Radar Online is reporting that he's holding up the process by refusing to sign the divorce papers.

So what gives?

Maybe it's because he's having second thoughts, or it could be a whole publicity stunt to drum up media attention on his upcoming album "Raymond Vs. Raymond," as well as his recently released single, the aptly titled slow jam "Papers."

However, we don't think those titles adequately express all the drama surrounding his messy divorce proceedings. Wonderwall would like to offer a few more descriptive options.

Album Title: "Usher's Divorce Slow Jams: Songs to Hire a Lawyer To"

People are already referring to this one as his "divorce album," so Usher might as well call it what it is. Recording an album full of your dirty, divorce-soiled laundry can't be easy. Seize the day, Usher! Show all the soon-to-be divorced dudes out there that they too can muster up the confidence to break off the old ball 'n chain and get on with their newly single lives all while grooving to these slow, sweet, sensual rhythms.

Song Sampler:

1.) "My Mama Wants to Knock You Out"

A throwback to the '90s when L.L. Cool J ruled the R & B airwaves -- but right on the money, too. Just so happens that Usher's mama very much wants to knock Tameka Raymond out of her son's life. Mama Raymond's dislike for his wife may've been a major factor leading to Usher's decision to file. Time to finally heed your mother's advice, son.

2.) "Keep Your Private Eyes Off Me"

Prior to Usher's filing of divorce papers, Tameka had detectives spying on Usher and collecting surveillance footage of the singer. Not only is that an insane and highly divorcable offense, but it's also way too close for comfort. Usher was just a dangrous liaison away from starring in a very special episode of "Cheaters."

3.) "Even More Confessions"

Usher just loves telling the world about his personal life through song. On his 2004 best-selling album "Confessions," Raymond crooned openly about everything from his failed relationshp with TLC's Rozonda "Chili" Thomas to a mysterious impregnanted mistress. He should really keep the confessions a-coming. Seems to work for album sales.

4.) "I'ma Two-Timing Dawg, What About It?"

Another suspected reason for Usher and Tameka's divorce is the dreaded "other" woman. Shockingly, Mr. Love Jams just couldn't keep his roaming eyes and hands to himself and reportedly fell in love Def Jam Records executive Grace Miguel. Luckily, unlike Tameka, his new lady looks less capable of crushing his skull.

5.) "Thankin' Jesus for that Prenup"

Wise, wise decision. Usher (or maybe his mama) made sure Tameka signed a pre-nup prior to their marriage, so he'll be saved from shelling out a chunk of his fortune to his wife of less than 2 years. Of course Usher does have two very young kids with her, so he'll likely be sending child support payments for the next 18 years or so. If the soon-to-be ex Mrs. Raymond is smart, she'll start talking to the "Real Housewives" producers NOW.

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