A Field Guide to Recognizing Your Kardashians
By Melissa Hunter
Their reality show is called "Keeping Up With the Kardashians," but between quickie marriages, sex tapes, baby daddies, and precocious step-sisters, it's become increasingly difficult to keep the tabloid fodder ... er, "lives" of the Kardashian clan straight.
So for you, dear reader, we've exhaustively researched each Kardashian (and Jenner!) to map out the family tree and provide for you the ultimate Encyclopedia Kardashianica.
KIM KARDASHIAN
AKA "The hot one"; "The reason the Kardashians are popular"
Famous for: A special video with special man Ray J (and other special NSFW moments); general bodaciousness; making her other sisters look not as hot; stylish outfits that show off her T and/or A; her roles in "Disaster Movie," "Beyond the Break" and other winning performances.
Job Titles: TV personality; Actress (using the term loosely here); Playboy *ahem* model; Self-titled product pawner; Clothing store co-owner; Professional hot chick
Significant other: Reggie Bush (Convenient, on-call/off-call boyfriend)
KHLOE KARDASHIAN
AKA "The fat, funny one" (not our words)
Relation to Kim: Younger sister (go figure)
Famous for: Quickie marriage to Lamar Odom; recent Life & Style exclusives; weighty issues (i.e., losing weight, gaining weight, defending her weight, showing off her lost weight in bikini-clad magazine covers)
Job Titles: TV personality; Personal life choices-seller; Diet fad hawker; Humble small-business owner (Co-owner DASH Boutique)
Significant other: Lamar Odom (Impulse husband)
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN
AKA "The Unassuming Firecracker"; "The teeny, knocked-up one"
Relation to Kim: Older sister (go figure, again)
Famous for: Her unexpected pregnancy; her pint-sized physique; being an early adopter of reality stardom (starred in "Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive")
Job Titles: Reality TV Personality; Socialite; Life & Style exclusive-giver; Pregnancy oversharing virtuoso
Significant other: Scott Disick (Baby daddy)
KRIS JENNER
AKA "The mogul matriarch"
Relation to Kim: Mother, Creator
Famous for: Marrying notorious men; birthing hot daughters; inexplicable love for the letter "K"
Job Titles: Ex-Socialite; Momager (i.e., manager to Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney); Reality TV Producer and Personality; Kids Clothing Store Owner (Smooch!)
Significant other: Bruce Jenner (husband, sharer of passions for spotlights and plastic surgeries); late ex-husband Robert Kardashian famed for being O.J. Simpson's lawyer)
BRODY JENNER
AKA "The bro-iest of bros"; "The reality TV family's estranged reality TV star brother"
Relation to Kim: Step-brother
Famous for: Being man candy on "The Hills"; bringing "Bromance" into our lives; hilarious feuds with other bros; pretty boy eyelashes
Job Titles: Reality TV star; professional partygoer; Model; Reality star dater
Significant other: The elegant, the classy, the Playmate of the Year: Miss Jayde Nicole
KYLIE AND KENDALL JENNER
AKA "Heirs to the Kardashian reality throne"; "Trouble in a couple years"
Relation to Kim: Younger half-sisters (11 and 13, respectively)
Famous for: Intermittent red-carpet and TV appearances; premature scrutiny, courtesy of Perez Hilton; the early stages of socialitism
Job Titles: Middle schoolers; model (at least Kendall is, but give Kylie a few years)
Significant others: Unknown, but they presumably have contracts with Disney
BRUCE JENNER
AKA "The dad-like character on the show"
Relation to Kim: Stepfather
Famous for: Winning some medals; a current inability to form facial expressions; "Can't Stop the Music" (only the best movie evs)
Job Titles: Olympic Gold Medalist (NBD); father and stepfather; Television Appearance Artist
ROB KARDASHIAN JR.
AKA "The boy Kardashian"; "The Kardashian who isn't a girl"
Relation to Kim: Brother
Famous for: Good looks; Ummm, did we mention he's Kim's brother?
Job Titles: Model; College graduate (hey now, that's somethin')
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