Italy bans Paris Hilton-branded canned sparkling wine

Wonderwall, Monday, October 19, 2009, 11:20am (PDT)

By Melissa Hunter

Paris Hilton's Italian brand of canned sparkling wine has been removed from the shelves of Italy. Wait, back the train up a second, Paris had a CANNED SPARKLING WINE? That's really the joke product endorsement to beat all joke product endorsements. Even Krusty the Clown couldn't top that.

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The wine-in-a-can brand has called itself Prosecco Rich, which sounds like it brings the lowbrow to the high life by being the beer of champagnes. Sales have been extremely low (shocker!), food critics have panned it (double shocker!), and now the Italian Agriculture Ministry has banned it from the entire country. Apparently naming it Prosecco is false advertisement.

Come on, Italian Agriculture Ministry, ease up. This is a Paris Hilton brand. They call her bottled window cleaners "perfume" and her bunches of horse tail remnants "hair extensions."

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The marketing guru at Gunther Aloys (who created this magical libation) said, "We'll just change it's name... and we're talking with Paris about extending our contract to market the new product." He then said he's expecting to sell 5 million cans of the rebranded beverage next year.

Bold words, dude. Don't exactly know what a Paris-endorsed canned sparkling wine could possibly be renamed to make it a smash hit.

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Here are a some potential possibilities: Parisecco Rich. Carbonated Class. Hilton H20 (Disclaimer: Contains no actual "water"). Sloshed Socialite Slammer. Wino-on-the-go. Boone and Hilton's Farm. The possibilities are endless.