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By Kat Giantis
In a Twitter tirade on Monday morning, the slow-motion smash-up that is the former "Two and Half Men" star laid into his onetime spouse because he believes she absconded with his dogs.
According to TMZ, Denise is "furious" over the accusations and is telling her inner circle that Charlie is a "dog abuser."
"We must bombard with Warlock Napalm, that traitor and loser whore #DUH-neese POOR-ards," Sheen railed to his nearly 3.3 million followers. "A vile kidnapper and now dog thief. hate. SBW."
(By the by, the acronym SBW can mean a few different things. "Shouldn't, but will," for one. Or "she's been warned." It can also be slang for "slut b---h whore." We'll leave it to you to decide which one Charlie was using in reference to the mother of his daughters Sam, 7, and Lola, 6.)
Charlie, whose tweets are quickly becoming Samuel Taylor Coleridge by way of Colonel Kurtz, continued: "Like a Dinosaur Stampede from middle earth RAGING atop Col. Kilgore's main rotor, our assault must be EPIC. The Truth is our rocket fuel."
TMZ says the dispute revolves around two pugs that went to live with Charlie when he and Denise broke up more than four years ago. The reason for the custody arrangement: The exes wanted their girls to be able to play with the pooches when they visited their dad.
But after Sheen's October freak-out at New York's Plaza Hotel, Richards apparently grew concerned about the welfare of the dogs, which she had before marrying Sheen. Seems she received word that they were suffering from neglect and malnourishment.
Denise headed over to Charlie's lately christened Sober Valley Lodge and asked him to hand over the pugs, which he did. Unfortunately, one of them ended up dying of malnutrition, reports TMZ.
Now, Sheen supposedly wants the other pup back to serve as the mascot on the bus he'll be traveling in for his upcoming tour (note to hitchhikers and random blondes: Do not get on that bus).
Denise, who was recently subjected to Charlie's boiling tiger blood because she refused to allow their daughter to participate in an interview and photo shoot with his live-in porn star goddesses, has no intention of giving up her four-legged friend.
Her rationale, per TMZ: Sheen can't even take care of himself, so he couldn't possibly be a responsible pet caretaker.
When Denise was asked by one of her followers if she'd "really" stolen a dog, she succinctly replied, "Nope."
Richards, by the by, is a longtime animal lover, and her Twitter feed is filled with pictures of her furry pals, including several injured dogs she's fostering in her home and other rescues she's adopted.
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From Crowd Ignite