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The Real Jersey Dictionary, Vol. 3

The Daily Beast, Thursday, March 24, 2011, 7:36pm (PDT)

Angelina (n.)- an insult used for a roommate who refuses to let his or her other roommates enjoy themselves if s/he isn't doing the same.

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When Deena refuses to allow her best friend Lisa hook up with her roommate Vinny (out of concern for Snooki's feelings for Vinny), he doesn't take kindly to her "cockblocking," as he refers to her thwarting. Vinny responds with one of the most biting jabs by Jersey Shore standards-referring to her as Season 1 and 2's notorious former roommate, Angelina.

Example: "Being called Angelina is like one of the worst things you could ever be called." -Pauly D

atomic bomb (n.)-the ugliest and biggest of ugly, big women in the grenade caste system, essentially a grenade to the fifth power (also known as the A bomb).

Example: "There's classes of grenade. It goes like grenade, grenade launcher, and then submarine. After the submarine, it's the tank. And then after the tank, it's the A bomb."-the Situation

baba (n.)-1. baby talk for "bottle." 2. the name of the professional who cuts, styles, or dyes hair when pronounced with a stereotypical guido accent.

Example: "What does a baby call a bottle? Baba. Where does Pauly go to get his haircut? The baba."-Ronnie

backpack (n.)-someone who follows the object of his or her affection so closely that s/he is practically wearing him/her.

Example: "She's probably Ronnie's backpack-everywhere he goes in the club. She's a female backpack."-Deena on Sammi

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banana (n.)-an oversize, stuffed variation of a yellow fruit-favored by monkeys and gorillas-that indicates one does not want to participate in Sunday dinner (see also, Sunday dinner).

The Jersey Shore cast's tradition is disrupted when Ronnie and Sammi miss one of the meals in favor of a trip to boardwalk, where Ronnie wins Sammi a particularly sweet stuffed prize.

Example: "You don't come in here on Sunday with a big banana and expect everything to be peaches."- Pauly D

blast in a glass (n.)-1. a synonym for an alcoholic beverage that one loves. 2. one who provides the equivalent amount of fun that said alcoholic beverage provides. 3. "definitly [sic] a great compliment," according to Deena (see also, walking holiday).

braciole (n.)-1. a piece of Italian beef pan fried in its own juices. 2. a euphemism for male genitalia.

Example: "If you don't want to cuddle, thanks for the braciole, but no dinner dates with me and you. Goodbye, never see you again."-Snooki

bush queen (n.)-one who spends her time in shrubbery.

Example: "Honestly, who hides in a bush? Only me. I will pee in a bush, I will poop in a bush and I will hide in a bush."-Snooki

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cheese bed (n.)-a sleeping surface covered in grated Parmesan, slices of American, and a schmear for good measure.

After the ladies of the house start a prank war with water balloons, the tricks escalate to the Situation sending Deena and Snooki on an unintentional trip to New York. With Ronnie and Sammi's help one rare sober night, Snooki settles on a retaliatory cheesy spread. The three cover the Situation's mattress with the dairy product, which they're certain will have women fleeing from his late-night embrace. Instead, the Situation winds up thinking the girl he took home smelled like cheese.

Example: "I think the cheese bed is the best prank in Jersey Shore history just because no one ever pranked Mike like that.... You're a sucker. You're a sucker, bro."-Snooki

the click (n.)-the act of intentionally ignoring a phone call from the person you've been creepin' with (see also, the dip).

After JWoww experiences road rage when she believes the guy she's been seeing, Roger, avoids her on the streets of Seaside (i.e. does the dip), she decides to confront the situation directly via duck phone. She calls Roger, but he doesn't answer and she leaves him a nasty voicemail expressing her anger.

Example: "He should have answered me and not did the click on me, too!"-JWoww

cookie (n.)-a euphemism for a man or female one is sleeping with who is not their significant other.

Ronnie thinks Sammi spent her only single days away from the house during her temporary departure texting another guido (Arvin-who the Situation says resembles MacGyver), who shows some of the roommates her text messages to him at a Seaside club run-in.

Example: "Your hand was in the f-----' cookie jar. Like how are you going to sit there with the crumbs on your lip and be like, 'I didn't eat the cookie.'"-Ronnie

denim (n.)-1. Deena's wardrobe material of choice, which Pauly D believes is "not even in anymore" 2. a sound effect from Nintendo's Super Mario Bros. videogame.

the dip (n.)- the act of avoiding someone you know while behind the wheel by swerving around other vehicles on the road (see also, the click).

Example: "The only reason you're doing the dip from the girl that you just slept with is because you got a girl in the car."- Ronnie

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drunk dial (n.)-the act of phoning someone while under the influence of alcohol.

Though the term typically refers to when exes and friends (who do not yet have children of drinking age) call each other at 2 a.m. while drunk, Ronnie's mom, whose name is Connie, defies the norm. She calls the "Jersey Shore" house looking for her son, completely inebriated in the middle of the day. Since Ronnie isn't home, Connie proceeds to talk to JWoww, Deena, and the Situation about all things Sam and tan.

ear piercing (n.)-the act of getting holes punctured in one's earlobes, signifying the moment when a boy becomes a man (i.e. the Italian-American equivalent of a Jewish bar mitzvah).

Elmo (n.)-1. a beloved character from "Sesame Street." 2. a term of endearment for a vibrator.

Example: "I call my vibrator the Elmo because, 'Tickle Me Elmo,' you know what I mean?"-Snooki

faux hawk (n.)-1. a hairstyle that works best on those with cropped coiffures in which the strands are gathered into the center with gel in a lower version of a mohawk. 2. Deena's "best thing" (see also, guy shopping).

On more than one occasion, Deena explains that her biggest turn-on is not a bronzed tan or chiseled six-pack-the typical characteristics of a guido-but rather a hairstyle popularized by Maddox Jolie-Pitt.

Example: "You have a faux hawk? Faux hawks are like my best thing."-Deena

fetal position action (n.)-the act of a grown person curling up, into the pose a fetus takes in its mother's womb, in the wake of a bad breakup. It works best when accompanied by the music of a '90s adult-contemporary artist with curly blond hair. (see also, Michael Bolton)

In the aftermath of his tumultuous relationship with Sam and her departure from the "Jersey Shore" house, the Situation has some suggestions for Ronnie.

Example: "A little fetal position action, he'll be OK."-the Situation

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girl code (n.)-the rules that female friends live by, requiring them to adhere to the "chicks before dicks" mentality, i.e. putting friendship above relationships in all situations (see also, guy code).

When the Situation lends Sammi a shoulder to cry on during one of her many rough patches with Ronnie, he is accused of adhering to the wrong gender rules.

Example: "I'm fed up. Mike plays both courts. Mike's telling me, 'I'm your boy. I got your back. Guy code.' And the second I turn my back? You're all about the girl code, you f------ b----!"-Ronnie

golden ticket (n.)-a euphemism for sex or getting it in.

Example: "It's not Halloween. I'm not handing out candy for free. Like, you need a golden ticket to get into these drawers."-Deena

grenade whistle (n.)-a vuvuzela-style horn that sounds to warn those on Seaside Heights that the "Jersey Shore" house is currently hosting a grenade.

Example: "When there's some grenades or some beasts present in the house, we got the grenade whistle."-Vinny

GTF (n.)-an adaptation of the GTL acronym with multiple meanings, but typically used in an effort to unearth a mystery, i.e. "Gym, Tan, Find out who Sammi's texting behind Ronnie's back," "Gym, Tan, Find out who's underwear those are," and "Gym, Tan, Find out who wrote the note" (see also, GTI).

GTI (n.)-an adaptation of the GTL acronym, which stands for Gym, Tanning, I'm not buying it (see also, GTF).

guy code (n.)-the rules that male friends live by, requiring them to adhere to the "bros before hos" mentality, i.e. putting friendship above relationships in all situations (see also, girl code).

guy shopping (n.)-the consumer approach to finding a man (preferably a gorilla, juice head, guido, or one with a faux hawk) to date (see also,faux hawk).

Example: "I can't wait to go guy shopping. I love faux hawks... that's my best thing."-Deena

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human code (n.)-the rules that people should live by, requiring them to respect one another, despite gender (see also, girl code and guy code).

Example: "Ironically, Ron called Sam every curse under the sun and destroyed all of her stuff. Ron had been pissed at me for 'guy code.' It's like, where's, you know, general human code?"- the Situation

Indian (adj.)-looking extremely tan (Note: It is not clear whether this refers to Native Americans or the people of India).

When Ronnie's mom, Connie, calls the "Jersey Shore" house drunk looking for her son, she instead reaches Deena, to whom she explains that her heightened tan leads her to believe she's becoming a different race.

Jersey Turnpike (v.)-to perform a dance move in which one jams his/her rear end against a man's crotch and then bends over.

Example: "Deena is crazy in the club. She Jersey Turnpikes all night long. She'll bend down real low and she sticks her ass right in between my legs."-Pauly D

island (n.)-a body of land surrounded by water on all sides, typically connected by a bridge.

Example: "I did not know Staten Island was an actual island until we went over the bridge."-Pauly D

jacked hideous (adj.)-incredibly unattractive.

During an afternoon out at Jenkinson's, JWoww thinks she is surrounded by gorillas and juice heads. But then, the "full-on Monets"-as 1990s teen movie Clueless called this type of person-- come and sit down at their table. JWoww can apparently relate to Cher Horwitz's sentiment. "From far away, she's OK," as Clueless' Cher (Alicia Silverstone) famously explains of her frenemy, Amber. "But up close, she's a big old mess."

Example: "My theory on Jenks: The guys look really good from afar, but once they come up to our table they are jacked hideous. It reminds me of the aquarium next door to Jenks, where it's just good to look. The moment you tap on the glass and make them come to you, it just freaks you out."-JWoww

juice box (n.)-1. the name of JWoww's Pomeranian 2. Deena's "versians [sic] of the old saying Meat Heads. The big musculer [sic] types that walk around like they can't put their arms down because they are so huge." (a synonym for juice head) 3. a receptacle filled with a fruity beverage, typically given to children in their school lunches (see also, Lean Cuisine)

Example (according to Deena): Ronnie

kid (n.)-a synonym for a male with whom one is romantically involved.

Example: "I'm really developing feelings for the kid."-JWoww

kitchen ditchin' (n.)-a situation in which one leaves someone in his or her bed to get a midnight snack.

Example: "I invented the kitchen ditchin' because to get out of the situation I was in, I had to ditch and go straight to the kitchen."-the Situation

Lean Cuisine (n.)-1. the name of JWoww's small, white dog with whom the Situation develops a bond 2. "not skinny minny [sic] guys but guys that work out and are lean and still have a great body, but they are not HUGE and muscular they are lean and you can probably eat off of their stomach," according to Deena 3. a frozen meal produced by Nestle that is intended to be a "healthy alternative," but was recently subject to a recall (see also, juice box)

Example for Definition 1: "I got Lean Cuisine and we're going to take over this entire house."-the Situation

Example for Definition 2 (according to Deena): Pauly D or the Situation

meatball (n.)-a woman who is short and stout, much like Deena, Snooki, or a little teapot (see also, meatball power).

Example: "She looked exactly like Snooki-like 4-feet tall, short little meatball, exactly like Snooki."-Sammi on Deena

meatball power (n.)-the teaming up of two or more meatballs for a greater good (see also, meatball).

Example: "It's me and you. Meatball power!"-Snooki to Deena

Michael Bolton (n.)- a 1990s adult contemporary recording artist initially famous for his long, curly blond hair and hit singles "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You" and "When a Man Loves a Woman," but recently known for his doghouse-worthy stint on "Dancing With the Stars."

According to the Situation, there is only one musical antidote to a bad breakup and that is this Grammy Award winner.

Example: "Ron is calling for roses, crying on my shoulder, listening to Michael Bolton and she's calling other dudes."-the Situation

mind condom (n.)-a theoretical prophylactic for one's head when he or she is being messed with by someone.

Example: "I need a mind condom because I'm being mind f-----."-Ronnie

mint (adj.)-a synonym for fresh to death.

Vinny is feeling good after he gets spray tanned so that his fellow roommates no longer think he's the "Caspar the Ghost" of the house.

Example: "The finished product? I look mint! I look like a fist-pumping guido... I was mint before, I'm even more mint now that I got a tan."-Vinny

MVPD (n.)-an update to the MVP alliance formed in Miami amid Mike (Situation), Vinny, and Pauly D, with the addition of Deena.

Example: "Deena, when she's drunk, calls herself 'a blast in a glass.' She's the best girl to be around. She's a wingman. She's one of the guys. It's MVPD. But tonight, all she's doing is cockblocking."-Vinny

nana (n.)-a euphemism for female genitalia, coined by Deena, analogous to Snooki's "kookah" (see also, pinhole).

Example: "When Mike saw my nana. I was just like, 'Oh my god! Like a day, really?' A day! It only took a day for somebody to see my goods."-Deena

neutral (v.)-to begin anew.

When Sammi is suspected of seeing one of the Situation's friends when she briefly moved out of the house after her blowup fight with Ronnie, the roommates try to figure out a way to say the two are now even considering Ronnie's cheating in Miami during "Jersey Shore"'s second season.

Example:

"Can you guys like maybe neutral it because you hit up a girl in Miami?"-JWoww

"But they already neutraled that."-Pauly D

pinhole (n.)-a euphemism for female genitalia (see also, nana).

In the wake of Ronnie and Sammi's clothes-tossing, bed-dragging, trash-talking fight, Snooki, Deena, and Sammi decide it would be best to move Sammi's bed out of the bedroom she's been sharing with Ronnie. As they struggle, Snooki recollects an analogous "size matters" situation she faced with Vinny in Miami.

Example: "The staircase is like really, really small and the bed is like really wide. And it's kind of like an analogy of Vinny's penis not fitting in my pinhole."-Snooki

pino (n.)- an abbreviation for Pinot Grigio, an Italian variety of white wine that is seemingly the only type of alcohol able to be consumed when one is "not drinking" or pregnant, according to Snooki.

Example: "Oh yeah. I think pino's OK. Pregnant people do it." –Snooki

retro (adj.)-an excuse and inaccurately used synonym for shorts that are too tight, revealing a man's "wiener."

When Deena and Snooki are out guy shopping and enjoying an afternoon of Jack Daniel's, a man in neon beach shorts approaches them with shots. As the girls gawk over the "camel toe on his penis" and how his "wiener" is visible through the neon swim trunks over and over again, the young man simply says it's OK because "they're retro."

sandy tits (n.)-a situation after one falls on the "Jersey Shore" and brings home particles from the beach on her chest.

Hours after Snooki face plants on the beach of Seaside and finds herself arrested for being drunk and disorderly, she returns to the house with an unintentional souvenir from the day, which JWoww happily brings to her attention.

sloppopotamus (n.)-a woman who is the combination of a hippopotamus and a slop tart (see also, slop tart).

Example: "Deena turns into the sloppopotamus."-Situation

slop tart (n.)-a woman who is drunk, sloppy, and DTF.

Snitchuation (n.)-the Situation's updated moniker after instigating arguments among cast members and playing both sides in many altercations among the "Jersey Shore" cast

Example: "Yo, his name isn't Sitch anymore. It's Snitchuation."-Vinny

snookin' for love (n.)-Snooki's quest for a boyfriend.

Example: "It's kind of like a disease to snook for love. It's worse than a staph infection. It's just keep eating at you and eating at you and then when you don't find a guy, you just get more and more miserable and more depressed and it's just not a good time."-Snooki

suck dick for Skittles (n.)-a term created by Deena, that she explains in two ways: 1. "If you dislike something and or you hate the situation your in you can say-'This sucks dick for Skittles!'" 2. if you get annoyed with someone you can say-'you suck dick for Skittles!'"

Example: "Work sucks d--- for Skittles right now. I want to die."-Deena

submarine (n.)-an unattractive woman who lies directly in the middle in the grenade caste system, i.e. she is more attractive than tanks and atomic bombs, but less attractive than grenades and grenade launchers (see also, tank and atomic bomb).

Sunday dinner (n.)-an evening meal shared among roommates in which all (theoretically) cook, clean, and partake (see also, banana).

Example: "I don't think we've ever been separated during Sunday dinner so this is a profound moment."-Vinny

tank(n.)-the penultimate level in the grenade caste system, i.e. one who is only more attractive than an atomic bomb, but less attractive than grenades, grenade launchers, and submarines (see also, atomic bomb).

Tostitos (adj.)-acting in a cheesy and/or corny fashion, reminiscent of America's popular tortilla chip.

When Deena starts drunkenly crying, claiming that no one understands her in the "Jersey Shore" house in her sloppopotamus state, Vinny attempts to set her straight.

Example: "Stop being Tostitos right now."-Vinny

tree (n.)- a term of endearment for a vertically blessed person

An inebriated Vinny is in awe of the man Deena brings home during one of their last nights at the "Jersey Shore" and ponders his height over a greasy grilled cheese.

Example: "This guy's tall. I'm gonna call you tree. Hey tree!" -Vinny

vowel (n.)-1. a non-consonant in the alphabet (a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y) 2. a necessary ending to the last name of the man with whom Snooki will have children.

Example: "Whoever I have babies with, he's got to be Italian because the last name needs to have a vowel in it and I want my kids' last name to have a vowel in it-and be tan, obviously."-Snooki

walking holiday (n.)-one who is always having a good time wherever he or she goes (see also, blast in a glass).

Yet another handle Deena has given herself.

Example:

"I'm like a walking holiday."-Deena

"If Deena was a holiday, she'd definitely be Thanksgiving 'cause she's got a lot to give and she's down for a lot of stuffing."-the Situation

whale sperm (n.)-the reproductive cell of a marine mammal, which, according to Snooki, is the reason for the salt in the ocean.

Example: "Everybody Google it because that's why the water is salty-from the f-----' whale sperm."-Snooki

worst argument person ever (n.)-one who is difficult to have a verbal disagreement with (i.e. Sammi, according to Situation)

Example: "You are the worst argument person ever. All you do is keep repeating, 'You're a piece of shit.' I can't even get an answer in! All you do is say, 'You're a crock of shit. You're a crock of s---.'"-the Situation

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