What kind of year would 2009 have been without tabloid magazines, the mainstream media and you -- yes, you -- fixating on minor, famegrubbing and frequently insane opportunists? Let's take a moment to reflect on the most obscure people who enjoyed 15 minutes of relevance this year.
A tabloid saga seemingly more contrived than the entire series of "Lost," Jon and Kate Gosselin were the tabloid cover poster parents of 2009. (Jon even canoodled with a Star reporter -- there's your subtle metaphor!) Recently divorcing, the Gosselins might not have kept a commitment to each other, but they certainly went gangbusters on selling out. (Oh, and they're spending the upcoming holidays together, so, yeah, the saga lives on.)